Bedroom Diaries: 5 Lessons from My Ex-Boyfriends
I have come to find that it is important to assess relationships, look at those exes, and ascertain what it is that the person came to do in your life. It not only helps you learn lessons, but also heal. You are able to see that the purpose of that person was short term and had come to an end and so it makes it easier to move on.
That said, I took the time to cull out 5 things that I may not have come to know, if I hadn’t dated some of my exes.
– Ex 1: This ex taught me to pay attention to my finances. I found him intrusive and rude at the time, but about 15 months after we broke up, I was thankful that he did. He brought up money conversations and pushed me to make financial plans, save and control my spending. I continued this after we broke up and when life flipped on me, I had a nice little cushion to land on.
Tip: If your significant other is not having constructive money conversations with you, planning on ways to have more money between the both of you, you might want to take a step back from that relationship or re-work it.
– Ex 2: This ex told me and helped me realize that Love is not enough. We fall in love for different reasons, but if we are to have relationships that actually hold firm, there are so many other things that come into play – respect, common ground, sacrifice etc. As much as the heart is important in relationships, the head and basic logic have to come into play. If, for instance, you have a health concern, like you are AS genotype, it would pay you to be logical when falling in love and make sure the person you love is not AS or SS. There are also things about our background and upbringing. Imagine if you come from a super conservative family and you fall in love with a person whose family walks around naked. (There are actually families like this, no jokes). Imagine the shock your mind will register when you visit and see your lover’s dad walking about casually, with his junk hanging out. Just loving a person does not guarantee you can take on all that they are.
Tip: Take some time to know the things about you that you can’t bend on, and early in your dating days, establish that your partner will not require you to shift ground on those things. If their perspective requires you to shift, you might want to really give it major thought, before going ahead with the relationship.
– Ex 3: I agree that age is nothing but a number; except when a man is mentally too young. This ex showed me that dating a younger man is different. It is so different, it requires special skill and I feel the need to give a thumbs up to women who do it and make it seem effortless. When dating a younger man, you find that you accept some things that you wouldn’t accept from an older man, because, in your head, an older man should know better. You put up with some types of behavior and write it off as him acting his age.
Tip: Age may or may not be significant to you but please, consider the mental growth of the person you are with. Dating is not for children (I feel like I might eat these specific words someday) and anyone in a relationship, ought to leave childish behaviors, emotions and methods aside.
– Ex 4: This ex helped me understand that comfort is fleeting. I now remember not to get too comfortable and save for the rainy day. This is different from saving for just you. Imagine if you are with someone who pays for everything – rent, trips, spa treatments, phone bills etc. Chances are that you will tell yourself you have an amazing man (or a mugu, if you are that kina chic) and use your own money to do things you can’t account for. So what happens if he loses his income source or he dumps you or he dies? Don’t be a new age village widow, with nothing to her name, after a colorful life with her man.
Tip: If he insists on spending more, save more and save specifically to support him, when times get rough, especially if this is a serious relationship.
– Ex 5: Of all my exes this ex taught me this lesson in friendships – keep your best buds. As much as it is good to keep your man close to you and confide in him, don’t get so close that you disregard your friends and those people who were in your life before the man came. What happens if he travels to some remote country and can’t be reached for weeks? Who will you talk to then? What if you guys break up? You would have neglected your friends so much that they would have moved on and there would be nothing to hold on to.
Tip: Encourage your man to keep he’s friends and spend time with them, while you do same. Know his friends and let him know yours and try to create a healthy social circle around the both of you.
Check out my video on the matter below:
Do you have lessons from your Exes? Go ahead and share in the comments below.
Written by TobeDaDiva – Student of Life, Citizen of the World, Undying Spirit of a Phoenix and yes, a Lover of Love and the color Purple.
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