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3 Reasons He Hasn’t Hit On Her: (even though he is positively, completely, head over heels, into her) + Tips to get over that phase


This is totally inspired by a true life story.

Story Time (like Hammer time)!

Let’s call him S and her, M.


S and M have been attracted to each other for about 3 years, and seeing as I am, conveniently, a mutual friend, I am the one who gets to hear it all – S thinks she is the yummiest thing since sliced bread and M thinks he might be the Hercules of our time. I can be traditional sometimes, and I totally enjoy the thrill of a man’s chase; so I get it when a girl decides that she will wait for her Prince Charming to come and sweep her off her feet. In this case, I had M’s Prince Charming on Whatsapp and decided to find out why he was taking so long. After the 47-minute chat time, I wrote these down

He feels M is off his league. He likes her and really wants to get with her but he doesn’t want to be rejected. With the way she goes about her business, he feels like she is in a space, totally different from his, and if he tries to hit on her, she will say no and make him feel small. All the times they’ve met, she always seemed like she was in a hurry to get away from him and it just made him feel like it would be too risky to make a move.

Tips for Him:

  • If you feel you need to grow yourself to get a woman, do it. But don’t change the essence of who you are and don’t pretend to be who you are not.
  • Not all women you like will feel the same way, and that is fine. The fact that a girl says no, should not make you feel small.
  • Be bold. Yes, I know it is not a walk in the park for every man when it comes to hitting on a girl but really, once you are confident in yourself and you know that her rejections don’t reduce you in any way, be bold and say hi.

Tips for her:

  • When you know a guy likes you and you feel the same way, find a way to let it show…comment on his posts, compliment his DPs on watsapp, linger a little longer when you bump into him at a social event…just give him ample ‘green light’.
  • Not all men are pros with this ‘toasting’ thing. Some men are shy and awkward and don’t have the slightest clue how to get on with it. Understand that. And when you do, appreciate the fact that a guy who hits on you, made the effort.
  • Don’t become a notorious witch. Don’t be the girl who says “ah me, date that guy? god forbid. He no reach abeg”. If you don’t like him, just say no. Even worse yet, don’t be a notorious Karishika and string a brother along – you know he likes you and you take advantage and when he wants to take things to the next level you say ‘but you are like a brother to me’. Stop It.

S is lazy. This one is my conclusion. I mean, he likes her and he knows basic things about her like her name, her office, her car, her favorite color (because she put it boldly on her IG page) but he didn’t put in effort. For instance, he has me. I am his friend and her friend and if he puts his back into it, he could totally use me to get uber reliable information to woo her till she’s falling at he’s feet. But no. All he has ever done is tell me how much he likes her. He’s lazy.

Tips for him:

  • Don’t fall for the hoax that this wooing thing is a walk in the park. It’s not. If you like her, enlist the services of people around her to help you get with her. Find out what it takes to make her pay you some extra attention.
  • Don’t be creepy. Trying to get information to woo her shouldn’t become a private investigation project
  • Use the information wisely and take credit for your actions. Don’t send her a box of chocolates and then pretend like it wasn’t you.

Tips for her:

  • Let the things that attract you be known to, at least, one person that he has access to. It’s kind of like dropping bread crumbs
  • Without being boarder line desperate, try to show up at social gatherings that he might be at. It gives him more access to you and a chance to make a move.
  • If he does do a few things to attract you, don’t form. If it excites you, be excited and let it show. Let him know he has done something right.
  • He thinks M is not available. During the conversation, he asked me, a total of 5 times, if I was sure she wasn’t dating anyone. He had seen posts she put on IG and snapchat, where she talked about a ‘bae’ and ones that had different guys that she was interestingly cozy with. In his head, a girl as hot as that, who has all these guys around her and who refers to someone as ‘bae’, had to be taken.

Tips for him:

  • Don’t conclude. Unless a girl tells you she is taken or there is a ring to show she is or you know her man for sure, always assume that she is not.
  • Dating is not marriage. The fact that she is dating a person doesn’t mean she can’t be hit on. Hit on her first.
  • Clear your conscience and ask as soon as you can. Ask in a creative way or out rightly – any way you like, but ask her is if she has a man she is committed to. Don’t be the reason a fellow man will run mad with heartbreak.

Tips for her:

  • Stop cock-blocking yourself and reduce the hangout time with your guy friends. And even when you hang out, don’t be overly cozy and touchy with them. Consider hanging out with girls a bit more…preferably, one girl (because some guys have a challenge with singling out one, in a girl-pack)
  • No shame in being single hun, so say it once in a while. Say it on snapchat, use #SingleGirl tag on IG (if you want a man, stay away from #SIngleAndLovingIt). Don’t overdo it but keep it clean and let it be known.
  • Spend some alone time. Go on a date with yourself…to the movies, to a restaurant, to the beach…and make snaps about those. It is easier to be approached when you are alone.