By Oludara Ogunbowale
When someone steps on you when you are on a queue and says sorry, more often than not, we just forget the pain and let it go. But there are sometimes that sorry does not just suffice. When the attitude of the offender is quite negligent and un-empathic, sorry does not just suffice.
A Yoruba Proverb says there is a great difference between the sorry that you see as an obligation and something that the other person needs just for the offender to be comfortable. Then there’s the sorry that is a sign of deep remorse and care for the dignity of the other person.
When one person in a romantic relationship with another person cheats, it is not okay and it causes mistrust at the core of the relationship. How about not getting back the money you lent someone after promises upon promises and you just get an “Is it not money? Let me breathe”.
But yeah, it is quite understandable that we are all humans and in this lifetime, mistakes will be made. This is not me excusing inappropriate behaviour but when responsibility for the erring actions is not owned and when the offended partner is left alone to deal with all the consequences and the pain of the action, that in itself is more painful.
There are a few nursery rhymes that reinforce the importance of Golden words like Thank you, I am sorry, please and Excuse me. When I hear little children sing rhymes or poems like this, that teaches respect for fellow humans, I am deeply happy. Only that I wonder if as adults we truly learn to appreciate the meaning of these words and say them when situations demand.
The words are not in themselves respectful but mean much more in how they are being said. I remember scholarly quotes like ‘The Medium is as important as the message’.
A lot of people are hurting because no one seems to validate their struggles and pain especially ones that were caused by people who are very close to them. It is enough to be hurt by people of physically or emotionally proximal relationships but to deal with the pain alone knowing that the erring partner does not send you is even more painful.
Sometimes, it makes forgiveness harder and there is a lot of self-doubt and even levels of distrust for other people.
When you deeply hurt someone, say sorry because you mean it, because just sucking it up is not okay. Believe the golden rule applies to you too.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you!
Read also: #DarasPage – Growing Up Is A Set Up
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