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By Tobee Awosika

If you have ever been to church you would know about testimony time.

At times, Testimony Time can be so good you won’t want it to end; with people giving funny accounts of how God has saved their lives- if you are lucky you might even get a preposterous story of how God ‘opened’ Brother John’s eyes to the huge sum of money he found on the street which he has now claimed as his own. It was even funnier when the Pastor called him out and told him to return it.

fighting temptations church

Then there was Sister Nneka telling us how the Lord delivered her husband’s mistress into her hands.

Testimony time can be fun, but it can also be extremely tedious.

We have the ones that do not have a funny tale or inspiring story to share, they are not even there to give glory to God but to announce their presence in church, “This my custom made dress cannot come and waste.”

In fact, the worst ones are those people that see this time as an opportunity to audition for the choir in the name of “I want to render a song of worship” (and the irony is, 99.9% of these people can’t sing to save their lives).

“I mean, everyone has something they are good at. Find yours, nurture it and watch yourself grow.”

He was wearing a fine double-breasted navy blue suit (must have had arrogance stitched into the blazer). After giving his testimony, he waited for the usual applause programmed into the hearts of every member of the congregation.

When he was done soaking it in, he surprised me with some Yankee fo né, “I’m gonna sing a song unto da Lawwd” (Baba must have been planning this for days).

I knew we were in for something special. Baba broke into a song, and boy oh boy! It was bad! Bad enough to make Fergie cringe (If you don’t know the former Black Eyed Peas member that got famous again for her terrible rendition of the American anthem, then, where have you been?)

A piece of advice, if you can’t sing, don’t do vocal runs publicly. It’s for people with good tone and vocal prowess. Please we are begging you, have mercy on our ears.

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You could say, “he was singing to God and not to you.” Hell No! Even God has standards. Honestly, I can’t stand all these over-sabi people. Bro certainly won’t be getting into the choir, obviously, but at least we got to see his kack up.

I would like to pass across this message: Testimonies at service should be kept short and sweet, abeg. Don’t bore us with how you woke up in the morning or how you made the journey to the event.

I mean, everyone has something they are good at. Find yours, nurture it and watch yourself grow.

Read also: Diary Of A Mad Black Kid (Ep 2) – Is This Where We’re At?

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