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By Tobee Awosika

I have become one of them. You know the unlucky few- the people- a member of the masses. People that you have to approach with utmost caution.

I think a bit of context may be necessary here.

A few days ago, I arrived home cranky AF! My cousin had the gall, nay the audacity to saunter into my room to tell me to come and carry my food- abi, sho mo age mi? Let’s just say that I shot the messenger with this one, and I am not too proud with how I reacted. If you’re reading this, just be glad that we didn’t cross paths last week, because if we did, I bet you would have had some memorable stories for the grandkids, and I’m sure that I would be apologizing for whatever I said.

Just in case you still haven’t gotten the memo, I am angry. I am very angry, and you wanna know why? The GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!

I know, I know- what else is new, right?

I know what’s on your mind, “crazy kid is miserable and blames the government for his misery. What an idiot.” Well, what may come as a shock to many, is that I am an affiliate member of the GBC (aka, government blaming crowd).

Don’t worry, we are not running for office in next year’s elections, we the people, are the people, your neighbours, your estate security, your work colleagues, we continue to blame the government, but are never ready to take action behind our strong words. But that’s a story for another day.

I turned 20, five months ago and you should know I was not a tantrum throwing kinda kid, never was, but right now… uh, let’s just say that there’s a lot more to react to and it’s all thanks to the so-called ‘elite demographic’ who have made it their mission to frustrate my life.

On most days I’m up as early as 4:30 am to beat the virus that has infected every nook and cranny of Lagos’ sewer-infested streets- traffic (God, don’t even get me started). You know, I posted a picture a few days ago and my friend made me take it down. Take a guess why- what did he say? Get this, he said, and I quote, “guy you look like you could use small London breeze.” Chai my chwest, see insult!

angry kid

It’s not a lie. To be honest, I could do with a cool, windy, dope-ass environment capable of turning beasts to boys right about now. Less stress is the key to all beauty. In London, I would be getting paid for my mere existence talk less of putting in a hellacious, mind-numbing, opioid inducing, 9-5 work schedule- to earn peanuts.

Rather than reading about long lost theories that no one has heard of, from dusty old text books by dead authors that no one has heard of, my education would be valued in the abroad (as so many of you aptly put it).

The biggest lie that this nation has fed our children is that if you are not a doctor, an engineer, chartered accountant or lawyer, you will be just another cog in the wheel- forgotten and uncared for.

Our educational system should be applauded for the role it has taken in training people on how best to ruin their own lives. In real life- this harsh reality that we find ourselves in- of tweets, Trumps and hashtags, no one is asking you about Shakespeare or the almighty formula of ‘B plus or minus…’, all of those end at the Cowbell maths camp and JAMB.

In London, my skin would be breathing in the air of freshly cut, evergreen grass in the clean blue skies, instead of the filth that clogs the airways of Lagos.

Waste was just recently added to our daily dose of smog- like we don’t have it bad enough. This is the entitlement you get as a citizen of this once great city of excellence. Have you got asthma? I would really like to know how you’ve survived for so long in this cesspool… uh, I mean city.

I know the current state government is licking her sores from the ever climbing climate of office elections in the offing.

I would just like to reach out to my good people of Lagos, please, please and please (how many times did I say it?) vote for the man or woman- it is 2018 after all- women’s rights! Oshe! Vote for the leaders that you honestly believe will make a change.

I mean right now, I would vote for smooth roads. Why is it that whenever rainy season comes around, Lagos roads suddenly decide to open up like UNILAG girls on a Friday night? Work faster on cleaning up and clearing our roads and making things work. We would be less angry and perhaps the talk about a purge on the government in buses would reduce.

I’m sure everyone that takes public transport is familiar with the “make all of us just wake up one day and kee dem” back and forth banter in danfo buses. You could say it’s just talk but I’m sure we are familiar with the danger of not quenching the fire- frustration- that may soon lead to rage and aggression. God forbid the day ever comes but if it does, I hope I am home with an ice cold Chianti in hand, and an episode of ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ playing on my TV screen (let me be honest, I don’t know if I can afford a bottle of Chianti right now, but the idea just sounds dope).

I am very aware that the idea of peace in a crisis is idiocy, but I continue to pray for the day when our people making major moves in the abroad will proudly beat their chest and proclaim that they are Ghanaian (just kidding) Nigerian.

Have a great week guys.

Follow me on social: @tobee_awosika

Read also: #ThisDan – Is This The Future Of Sex?

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