Hear ye hear ye! Coming to a shop, app store, church, mosque, public square near you.
The GPMC (General Peace of Mind Center) bring you:
The Taken Tag
Gentlemen, are you a man in a significant relationship between the ages of 18-100…then this product is for you!
Do you get hit on often? Ladies who are not your woman casting glances or making advances at you? Aren’t you tired of the number of times you have to tell them, ‘Sorry I have wife/girlfriend’?
Or perhaps you’re a reformed philanderer looking for a fail safe way to overcome temptation.
Well this product is for you…
Our mystics and scientists here at the GPMC (General Peace of Mind Center) after years of tireless research have come together to develop the TAKEN TAG.
Totally invisible to the male sex, the Taken Tag is worn on your forehead so that every woman/being attracted to men can clearly see your status. The light weight product has a lifelong battery life and you and your significant other need never worry about the battery running out.
Comes in a variety of colours and the deluxe pack even lights up and emits an alarm only audible to any female in question.
For those of you God fearing men, this added feature means only a blind deaf woman would be able to hit on you and if she can find you, I’m sure we can all agree- she’s earned it.
AND COMING SOON… The Taken Tag: Super Deluxe Pack
Available everywhere from next year, the tag will have the added bonus feature of the fidelity sound wall. We have isolated the sound waves of flirting and with this new age technology, created a vacuum force field which once triggered disallows sound from your lips to her ears vice versa.
And now thanks to the generous donations of every woman on earth we can now offer this revolutionary product to you absolutely free of charge. You don’t even need to come into our centres, we will happily send a representative to you.
For orders please sign up at www.drasticmeasuresthisisfake.ng
AND NOW AVAILABLE FOR TESTING…LADIES…
Does your man have impulse control problems…does he suffer from any one of the following symptoms:
- Roving eye
- Flirty mouth
- Energizer bunny urges
- Selective absent mindedness that like forgetting he is committed/engaged
- Allergic to his wedding band
If he has one or more of these symptoms, and you have spent many hours in prayer, worry and angst, we have the solution for you: THE SAN (Straight And Narrow) CHIP
How to administer?
The nano tech is held in a solution of 5 drops of water. Just add to his drink/meal/eye drops and activate with the remote provided.
When next he is in a questionable environment or feels an urge to cheat, the SAN chip activates his muscles and temporarily paralyzes him till the urge passes. As with all our products, it has a lifelong battery and our research has shown this fantastic tool over time curbs the user of all urges; thus ensuring your peace of mind.
To have your device sent discreetly to you, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
No need to thank us. We are more than happy to do this. After all, we have cured all diseases, resolved all world conflicts, fixed the economy, created great tasting calorie free food; what else was there to do?
Written by LLKrafts