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It’s been a week since we got Heaux Tales from Jazmine Sullivan and if you haven’t heard it, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Again, like yesterday’s piece, this is not an album review. This is to just share my thoughts on the honesty of the album and express my appreciation for her candidness and honesty, which is so well-expressed in Ari’s Tale.

Ari’s Tale is actually not a song, but is one of the spoken word interludes on the album. You can listen to it here, or read the words below:

I was damn near willing to just let him talk to me crazy
Because that shit was out of this world, like
Yes, daddy, yes, okay
Like, I was literally willing to ruin my career
Um, if this ever came out, who it was, you would be like
“Bitch, do you know what Google says?”
Yes, I do, yes, I do
But I also know what that dick said
That dick spoke life into me
Invigoration, blessings, soul, turmoil
But, Heaven

This is just my truth
This is just my truth
This is just my truth

 

The only thing that made me uncomfortable with these words, is her reference to God. Let’s leave Him out of our nonsense. Which was why I deleted that line.

However, the rest of the poetry is truth. Like men, women will take a lot of nonsense just because of good sex. Women will tolerate cheating, disrespect, the lack of care and affection etc. just because of good sex…for oh so long. Many women oftentimes find themselves in compromising positions (no pun intended) simply because their physical needs are being met.

This is why when friends say “but he’s no good for you, leave him,” you stay. It’s why when you leave his house in tears crying because you caught him cheating, you go back. It’s why when he’s outrightly neglecting you, you make excuses for his bad behaviour.

So you know what the problem is here? You’re investing way too much in something that is clearly cheap and for the community. It’s like buying a bottle of water that shouldn’t be more than N500 for N5000. Like, why the F would you do that? Is it not just common simple water you are drinking?

So really, if you find yourself in this predicament, what should you do? You have two options: walk away because honestly, you can get the same thing elsewhere without the drama or you can stop investing so much in something that’s not worth it. He will still give you what you know you’re really there for. The choice is yours to make.

But the key takeaway I would like for everyone to get from this, is that most women have been in this position before. And that no one really needs the judgment.

Sex evokes feelings of intimacy, connection, lust which in the moment feels like love, and security. And sometimes it just makes you feel all sorts of other emotions, that may be good or bad, but nonetheless remind you that you are alive. Ari’s Tale captures that.

When your close friend keeps returning to a situation that is clearly toxic because she’s been hypnotised, there are probably underlying issues or points of pain in her life, that she hasn’t addressed or that are weighing her down. Something is clearly amiss.

What should you do instead as a friend (or even as the woman going through this)? Ask difficult and deep questions, be open and honest, nonjudgmental and provide a safe space. Things may not get fixed in a single day, but will eventually.

Ari’s Tale isn’t only about good D. It’s about where you are, as a woman, mentally and emotionally, why you’re in that place and using sex as a coping mechanism. Because why else would you be willing to give it all away for something as basic as (amazing) sex?

 

See also: Jada, Entanglement & The Illusion of Accountability

 

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