By Oludara Ogunbowale
Everyone wants a good person as spouse, partner or friend and this is a good thing. The world is already quite messed up so having someone who has your best interests at heart, one that you can trust and depend on is some major and great life time deal. If you have someone like this, you should appreciate him or her.
Now, talking about romantic relationships, a statement like “your significant other has to be compatible with you” is as cliché as “marry a good person, who is a good wife material.”
When I hear these kind of statements, especially the latter, I always wonder if the utterer checks to see if they are also ‘material’ enough for the ‘good’ person they are looking for. (I am speaking from my angle as a woman, but this speaks to both sexes.) I know of a couple already on the verge of divorce because the wife is a ‘good’ woman whom he married. He married her because she was religious. Though he did not have all his acts straight, he needed a woman who would keep solid all things at the home front. And this is a good thing, only that there is a twist to it.
This makes me analyse in a relative manner, what I perceive that some people term ‘good’ as. ‘Good’ for example is when a ‘good’ woman is godly and can persevere through tough times. Now, not just tough times that life bring, but also, tough times that her man puts her through. Tough times that she has to go through because of the infidelity of her man and his very unworthy behavior that puts her and the children in a perpetually awkward situation.
The twist is though ‘Good’ women know how to make good homes, they have emotions, hearts and active minds as the importance of understanding this cannot be over emphasized really. Looking for a ‘good’ man or woman as spouse, while you do not intend to be as ’good’, seems to me like Getting Gold in exchange for plastic. Plastic? Not even plastic, but some material more prone to deterioration like paper. You want a good lady, Are you a good man? You want a good man, Are you a good lady?
Now the man who thought he married a ‘good’ lady was shocked to his knees when the ‘good’ woman finally had enough and called him out on his bad behavior and was no longer interested in a relationship where she was not respected and cared for. Then the man cries foul, saying she has changed. No she did not. She just realized how valuable she is.
I know that at this point, a lot of damage would have been done and if there are children already borne from the union of these duo, a lot of orientation must be done to avoid any dysfunctional behavior that the children may then exhibit because of the confusion they find themselves in.
The very popular saying Prevention is better than cure implies that everyone should study a potential partner before proposals or nuances are given or accepted. Yes, we all want the rings but the ring better come from a person whose intentions and heart are as sincere and as ‘good’ as your own. Do not throw your pearls to a swine!
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