So, I received an email from one of my protégés (no worries, she gave me the permission to publish).
“Today wasn’t all that bad except from my workplace issues and being single for more than 3 years now that keeps taunting me. I mean i’ve had worse days *sighs* but today was different. Different because I had to think deeply about why I have not found a guy for so long and somehow the loneliness and heartache only affirms my need for a relationship maybe friendship, romance or even a rebound! I had reached the height of frustration especially with my mum on my case…and then, it dawned on me that I need to shake off the feeling that my standards are too high or I am probably not worth it. Beyond the shores of my workplace which is ‘always’ calling out for a sail, I need to find time to do what makes me happy.”
‘How won’t this guy be lonely floating on the sea? Before nko??? Or is it fish he will come and befriend?’
Dealing with loneliness is obviously not easy but it’s also not by force! The main thing that upset me about this letter was the fact that she was lonely and automatically associated that with being single. But really, in as much as you depend on people to be happy, if that’s your sole focus, the fact is, you will forever be lonely. Forget it, finding a man/woman/partner is not the way to cure your miserable lonely life. If you feel like you’re lonely, it’s not partner you should be thinking of it. These tips right here? This is what you should be thinking of:
-Go out and socialize. Even if you are an introvert, GO OUTSIDE. Don’t say ‘I’m not that kind of person’…hian! How do you meet people if you’re always alone in your bed????
-I know you like to shine as the worker of the year but if you die today, the work will go on and you will be forgotten too soon. Learn to say ‘NO’ when the workload is too much and you are losing your sanity. Learn to take breaks, learn to enjoy yourself a little. If you’re stressed, don’t try and power through- stop. Take a moment. Rest.
-Have conversations with real people, people who have similar experiences to you and discuss your challenges. The more you talk to people, the more likely you are to find kindred spirits and the more likely you are to realise that actually, when it comes down to it, you really and truly are not all alone.
Written by Kike Olowu
Photo Credit: Emaze
And in case you’re panicking about the idea of talking to people, shhhh relax and watch this to calm down: