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Accelerate TV Contributors omoyeIf you’ve ever visited a bank, restaurant or any office that deals in frequent customer interactions, you will know that many people have jobs they absolutely hate, but that is not open for conversation or for consideration on what to do about it. Life happens. Bills need paying. The End.

But that’s not why we’re here…

Everyone who has a job they love will admit there are some parts of their work they could do without.

For an advertising guy*, it’s the frequent business functions.

For the doctor, the odd hours.

For the engineer it may be the constant travel and hotel living.

For the lawyer, it’s the having to read and learn massive documents all the time.

For a sportsperson it might be the constant bodily contact….

For a teacher, having to familiarize oneself with a new crowd each year.

For the banker, it is… you get it.

For a filmmaker, everything listed above remains part of our job description. So if you have a problem with many of these, you might want to rethink your career choices.

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Personally I love travelling. Because I am not a fan of routine, I thrive on… no, I appreciate the switch in my schedule every now and then. Seriously, who really wants to cross Third Mainland or Eko Bridge twice a day for 25 years just to receive a long service award at the end of a seemingly monotonous and regimented life? I have nothing against it, but that is so not me.

I like to eat out; I enjoy reading scripts, even after it’s been made; I like staying in (good) hotels, I like meeting new people, I am quite the nocturnal animal and I don’t do curfews. I can even handle overbearing people and the occasional body contact…

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But the one aspect of my job that is a real chore is attending red carpet events. I wouldn’t mind the event if the red carpet were not such an integral part of the whole affair.

Find the Right Outfit: You’d think the aim is simply to look good. Not enough hun. You must outshine every other female in attendance and/or stamp your mark as a fashionista who slays, always. In order to always slay, you pay a stylist to take the headache off you or you have an astonishing wardrobe… because there are many events to attend each month and you dare not repeat clothes.

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Makeup on Fleek: You remember that sign your teacher made on your homework when you got the answers correct? That’s a fleek. You know the Nike “just do it” symbol? Yes, that’s a fleek. The red carpet says, “Just do it”. Don’t argue, get face beat because otherwise, you will stick out like a sore thumb and if you don’t have “mind”, I mean if you can’t handle the pressure to kowtow to public practice, why fight it? Just, do it. Get a makeup artist or better still, call my girl @proteusvanity and she’ll give you amazing discounts! Tell her Omoye sent you.

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Strike A Pose: Now that you’re looking like a star, don’t forget to pose like a star, even if you’re still contemplating stardom or the quest thereof. Practice your pose from home, ain’t nobody got time for “is it okay?” The red carpet is not for slackers. These dear photographers have a limited time to capture only the hottest and confident-looking, after the actual stars themselves.

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So know that beneath the prim and proper deportment, beyond the air-kisses and “hey huns”, there is a baff-up that must not be wasted, a “styled by” credit that must be paid and a Bella Naija tag (we’ll settle for an ordinary post) that must be seen by friends and family in diaspora and reposted on the gram. Now, get your (ever-so-subtle) hustle on and get that photograph taken.

Cop that interview with Accelerate TV, Jara, 53 Extra, Spice, Hip, Goldmyne and Silverbird whatever it takes mehn. We are not here to play! Na the work wey we de do!!

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But my problem is that I’m awkward and it often feels like punishment. Can you relate?

You’re sucking belle with a pasted smile, trying not to wobble in uncomfortable shoes, thinking, “What did I do this time? All I wanted was to be an actor.”

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Then you grumble to the well-meaning colleague next to you and they remind you that it’s part of the job and, “if you really want to be successful you have to get used to it”.

Then you say, “I get it, but all the time?”

They give you a look like, “This one never ready”.

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So you chin up and deal with it, but inside you’re thinking, O HOW DEARLY I DETEST RED CARPETS!!**

**not restricted to a singular gender.

** O How Dearly I Detest Thee is a stage play produced by Omoye in May, 2015, featuring Herself, Timi Charles-Fadipe, Toyin Oshinnaike and Olarotimi Fakunle.

It was directed by Toritseju Ejoh.

See also Why I Admire Kante – Iwobi

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