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No matter where you are, what you’ve achieved and who your Daddy is, the fact remains that at some point in your life, you have been jealous.  Jealousy is a complex emotion. Its initial development could be a product of all sorts of rational emotions, but then, sometimes it is an unattractive blend of fear and insecurity. Maya Angelou once said “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” Romantic relationship or not, how can we maintain control of this emotion, making sure it doesn’t work against us or those around us?

Jealousy usually comes with baggage from past unsavoury experiences, so the first thing you need is to allow yourself trust this new partner. Think positively. Focus on experiences in this new relationship and stop comparing it to your past one. Being a little careful or protective as a result of fear-oriented jealousy is one thing, but when you overdo it, OYO o! I mean, being too fearful about losing someone has been exactly what caused many to lose them, abi?

If you find that your jealousy gets out of control often – maybe someone looked at your boyfriend, so naturally, you slapped her – it could be a manifestation of your low self-esteem and self-defeating behaviour. It’s important to seek out and overcome the source of such problems and deal with them head-on. As long as it helps with confidence in yourself and with your relationships, seeking professional help is not a bad idea.

By talking things out with your partner when jealousy threatens your relationship, you realize often that the reality of that situation is not as threatening as you perceived. Maybe it wasn’t another guy, but her brother that made her laugh via text. At the very least, when you talk about it, you identify and deal with the threat and your relationship is the better for it. So, talk about it.

If you are truly making an effort to overcome your jealousy, you know the solutions to your problem; it’s just that you don’t believe in your execution power. Resolve to tame your green-eyed monster and half of the work is done.

 

Written by Olutobi Odunubi

Is your partner impossibly messy? Check out some of our tips on how to deal.

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