The temptation to get back with an old flame is always strong, especially when feelings were quite deep while it lasted. But, there was a reason it ended in the first place, so it is probably never a good idea to get back together with some you already ended a relationship with. Here’s how to know when it is right and when it is a no-go area:
Have you seen changes for the better in his life overall excluding you? Yes, you can probably get in there and start over where you left off. But during your time apart, what adjustments has he made to the core issues that broke you up in the first place? Remember, you are considering getting back together with the man you see in front of you today, not the dream of what could be.
Are you both totally single now?
Usually, either one or both of you have started a relationship with someone else during your breakup. Have a conversation sooner rather than later to ensure that there is no one else who has believed all this time that they had something special and had plans to move it forward. Not only confirm it verbally but obtain some kind of proof that all parties are well aware of your presence and it’s absolutely over between them.
How will his family/friends and your family/friends receive the news?
If you decide that you want to try it again, family and friends need to be given a heads up that this is what your heart is telling you to do and the two of you have cleared the air. This can be difficult if you’ve bashed each other and shared all the dirty laundry from the past. But ask for their support and even when someone decides to bring up negative incidents or arguments, politely let them know you’re starting over and don’t condone it whether you’re in his presence or not.
Are we open to dating first?
Depending on the amount of time that’s passed, you two have most likely evolved since you were last together. It’s easy to want to fall back to the way things were in full swing immediately because it’s often a comfortable place. But consider taking things slower and get to know each other again. Meet out for dinner or coffee or even take a walk in the park together throughout the week to build a new bond. If that’s not an option, evaluate why the rush?
Is this a consideration due to loneliness?
Most rekindled relationships that turn out to be successful are when two complete people come together and choose each other without any other baggage to consider. Whether it’s because you and your most recent boyfriend after this relationship just broke up or you’ve just been unsuccessful finding anyone else. Those are not good reasons to go backward. But if you’re happy and whole and just realized you had a good thing, that’s a great place to start.
Are you confident this is the very best person for you?
If you take away who you’ve met or haven’t met and how your life is today, does this person’s characteristics line up with the very basic things that you need in a relationship? Some women need a faith partner, others need someone who believes in them, while others would say that an honest, trustworthy man is the most important. Make a very short list of your needs without him in mind then cross reference and see where he falls on the list.
By Damilola Faustino