Being on the same page as the person you love is very important in any relationship. So it can really hurt if it feels like you’re more invested in your relationship than your partner is. But, sometimes, you are blinded by love and don’t even notice that you are doing way more than your partner. Here’s how to judge this:
You are always texting them first
If it feels like you’re the only one in the relationship whoever sends the first text or initiates a conversation, it could be cause for concern and not just for the obvious reason that you’re putting in more effort. Not only does it often signal that you’re not a priority, but that when you realize you’re putting out more than you’re getting back, it can be uncomfortable.
Not sure when you have similar plans
Being in a relationship typically means spending a good portion of your free time together, so it’s something to pay attention to if it’s difficult to get your partner to commit to plans, or it feels like you never really know when you’re going to see them next. If you get an invitation to a wedding, of course, your plus one is going to be your partner. But if you have the kind of relationship where, even though they’re your partner, you can’t really count on them to be around, then you’re not in a relationship where you’re both equally invested.
You have never met their friends
One of the signs of closeness in a relationship is if you’re in the inner circle. That means that you know your partner’s closest friends and have probably met their family (and vice versa), which is normal in a healthy relationship. But if that’s not the case for you, it could be a red flag. If the inner circle is withheld, there’s a reason for it, and they’re not putting you in their inner circle.
They never ask personal questions
Part of caring about your partner is being interested in their lives and how they’re doing, from asking about the little things (like, “How was your day?”) to being curious about the big things in their life and getting to know them even better. The problem is when your partner isn’t reciprocating that or has stopped over time, and there are a few explanations for this. First, it could mean they don’t care — in which case, they might say you’re a couple, but they’ve got you isolated to a very small segment of their life. On the other hand, it could potentially be that they’re bored, distracted, or don’t even realize it’s something they should be doing.
You are always worried
If you’re feeling anxious about your relationship, especially if you’re also afraid to talk about issues as they arise because you’re worried that you might come off as insecure or needy, focusing instead on being agreeable. When there’s an emotional disparity, you begin to edit yourself. You become fearful of speaking up when your partner has been thoughtless or insensitive or downright hurtful.
You feel they are holding back
Does it feel like your partner is holding back about themselves as if there’s something they won’t fully let you in on? This can be another red flag to watch out for. You get a very clear sense that you’re not getting all of them. It’s one thing if you’ve got all of them and that’s all there is; this is the kind of thing where there’s another level and they’re not letting you in.
By Damilola Faustino