So your partner cheated, ran into some serious debt behind your back or did some other disastrous act. And now you can’t help but ask yourself- is all the stress really worth it? Maybe it’s just the years and years of disappointments that are now wearing you down. You’ve probably thought if they ever betrayed your trust, you’d simply walk away. But now, faced with the reality, you know it’s not that easy a decision because deep down you still love them. Plus, what if you have assets together- a company, children, anything. How do you cut through the mess and make a decision one way or the other?
One good way to make the best decision in such situations is to focus on why your partner did this rather than just what he did. When we personally do wrong, we tend to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, but with our partner’s actions, we tend to see things in black or white terms which may be unfair. Could they be lashing out like a cornered animal would? Are they desperately unhappy? Are you still convinced this is very much unlike them? If the answers to these questions are yes, then your relationship should survive. On the other hand, if you’re sure they are an addict or serial perpetrator of domestic violence, it might be time to end it.
Learning to argue properly will give you a clearer understanding of where your relationship is going. Avoid any sort of violence and always be open to possibility that they are right and you’re wrong. Challenging your thoughts on the issues affecting your relationship and not acting solely on feelings are also good strategies for deciding the next step to take in a relationship. Don’t confuse thoughts with feelings. Lastly, you need to be certain about whether you still have enough love to give your partner at least short-term without getting anything back. If you still feel you can be the ‘big one’ and take all steps towards reconciliation, your relationship could probably be saved but if all you keep coming up with is how wrong all they’ve done is and how you can’t take it anymore, then your relationship could truly be over.
It is important to go on with a relationship or end it knowing that you’re doing the right thing, and doing the above-mentioned thoroughly will help you arrive at the best plan of action.
Written by Olutobi Odunubi
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