While it’s healthy, and actually pretty common, for you and your partner to have several differences, there are things that you should always agree on in order to have a successful relationship (and potential future together again). Of course, having distinct interests, food preferences, exercise habits, or television shows might not be deal breakers, and these things can totally be your own, independent habits and passions outside the relationship. Yet, there are bigger issues, like marriage, sleeping schedules, and the “kids” conversation, among others, that should always be agreed upon in a serious relationship. So before you become Valentine official, here are 6 things that you should always have in common with your partner, where you’re both on the same page moving forward:
The same work ethic
If you don’t match up with your partner in terms of work ethics, it could cause tensions when one partner is working and another wants to go out, for instance. So, ensure that both of you have some reasonable level of work ethic
The same core values
You might differ on some views about life or about others, but it’s important to have the same values. It is super helpful when a couple has their biggest personal values in common with one another. We all have major, overarching values that we use to guide us through life’s tough moments and ethical dilemmas. Some of us turn to honesty, transparency, and loyalty. When a couple actually shares their biggest core values, they can resolve problems and keep things harmonious.
Knowledge of what compromise means
Every couple is going to have arguments and disputes, so whenever possible, it’s important to try and set up win-win solutions, where both you and your partner can walk away satisfied. To survive as a couple, two lovers have to forge a way forward with some type of solution that feels like an equitable compromise. In those moments, having a shared overall understanding of what ‘compromise’ truly means is both healthy and essential for the relationship to continue to grow.
A mutual agreement about loyalty
What is being loyal? Is it infidelity, or even just sharing secrets with friends? It’s important to discuss and define these terms, such as loyalty, infidelity, fidelity, trust, and more, as sometimes boundaries can be crossed without you even knowing it. Each person in a couple has to be on the same page as to what these terms mean, where is the line drawn, and what kind of behavior pushes you out of these terms.
An understanding of basic needs
As humans, we have needs. You might need money, support, love, or other things from a partner, and you should make it clear what needs you’re looking to both fill and reciprocate. For a relationship to have solid legs to stand on, it’s crucial that each partner (i) recognize what their needs are, and to articulate them, because people aren’t mind-readers, (ii) recognize what it is they have to give that satisfies the key needs of their partner, and (iii) be willing to freely and generously satisfy some of the core needs of the person who is reliant upon them.
How important the relationship Is
Just a fling? Something more serious? You and your partner should agree on the intensity of the relationship, as well as how long you think the duration might last. By sharing a view of how important you are to each other and to what extent you want to grow together, you’ll give the relationship its best shot.
By Damilola Faustino