Fights are inevitable in a relationship. However, if things are going as they should, each fight will draw you close to one another. In fact, not arguing at all can be a sign of an unhealthy, unhappy or disconnected relationship. Note, however, that there are productive, respectful ways to sort things out with your partner, in order not to get things toxic and out of control. Here’s how to handle arguments in a relationship:
You walk away mid-argument
When a person completely shuts down or disengages in the middle of an argument without warning, it makes your lover feel disrespected. The conflict is still unresolved and it leaves your lover alone, confused and even more frustrated. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a timeout, that’s fine. But it’s better to voice that to your lover than to just leave abruptly.
You try to make a major decision during an argument
When things between you and your lover are heated, you probably don’t have the clarity necessary to make a weighty decision. Instead, wait until things have cooled down before you try to come to a consensus.
You bring up past mistakes
If you want to fight fair, then digging up your partner’s past errors in a bid to win” the argument is a big no-no. It’s often irrelevant to the present debate, counterproductive and can make your partner extra defensive. When one lover is especially thin-skinned, anxious, guilt-ridden or just can never admit they’re wrong, they may employ a variety of methods designed to put the other person on the defensive.
You’re more focused on being right or winning
Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your lover are on the same team. So proving how right you are and how wrong they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. Plus, if you’re more focused on building your case than you are on understanding your partner’s point of view, you’re not going to get very far.
You try to resolve things out over text
Texting is great for sending emojis, wishing your partner good luck on their job interview or figuring out what’s for dinner. It’s not so great when you’re trying to resolve an argument because text messages can easily be misconstrued. You can’t hear your partners tone of voice, nor read their body language, or interpret what their facial expressions may mean. There’s too much room to misinterpret someone when you aren’t sitting face-to-face or, at the very least, talking on the phone.
By Damilola Faustino