By Damilola Faustino
You’ve made the difficult decision to end a relationship. The hard part’s done. But, you still have to go through the actual breakup, and that’s not exactly easy. In order to make a clean break, you need to have a plan before you sit down to have “the talk”. Here are things to know when you have decided to break up with someone:
Never forget about the practical stuff
When you’re preparing for a breakup, the first questions that crosses your mind will be fairly important, if a bit dramatic, “Am I ruining this person’s life? How are they going to take it? Will we be able to stay friends?” Those are important considerations but spare a few minutes to think about the practical side of the breakup. Does your ex-have any of your stuff? Do they have a key to your place? Where are you going to break up, and will you be able to quickly leave afterward?
Don’t try to punish your soon-to-be-ex
Your partner cheated, lied, constantly acted selfishly and did some unforgivable things. You’re likely feeling a lot of pain, and you might want to turn some of that pain on your partner. Resist that urge. When you try to punish the other person, you hurt yourself as well.
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This behavior will only make you feel worse.
Don’t consider getting back together
You’re going to think about your ex, particularly if you just got out of a long-term relationship. You’ll think about how much easier things would be if you got back together and why the flaws that led to the breakup weren’t such a big deal in the first place. In some cases, that’s true; some lovers break up, work on themselves, then get back together and live a happy life. However, in most cases, they do not really change.
Don’t worry about mutual friends
You’re ready to break up, then it hits you-you and your ex hang out in the same groups. You know the same people. Which friends will stay with you, and which friends will give you the cold shoulder? You might feel as though you’re breaking up with six or seven people, and that’s a lonely feeling. Do not worry yourself even if you lose friends. Some will stay, some won’t but you will be fine regardless.
Don’t call or text your ex to check up on them
Whether you’re genuinely concerned or you’re just trying to massage your ego, you’re definitely not helping the other person. Each phone call invites more conflicted feelings, essentially re-starting the breakup and forcing your ex to evaluate the relationship all over again.
Don’t lead the other person on
If it’s over, it’s over. Don’t try to lead the other person on. If you indicate that there’s still a chance to continue the relationship, they’ll believe you—and you’ll actually make their inevitable heartbreak a little bit worse. While you should be sensitive to your former partner’s feelings—to a degree—the kindest thing you can do for them is give them a clear signal that it’s time to move on.
Don’t immediately start a new relationship
Allow yourself to heal before you start a new relationship. This is because you may see your past relationship in the current one. Hence, you will probably not enjoy the relationship because you are not over the previous one.
Read also: Healthy Boundaries To Set In Your Love Life
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