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Come, whatever happened to speaking decent, appropriate, ordinary English!?

“Hi, I taught about you today. I hope you are been taking care of at home… you need too see what I did with mines yesterday” [sic]

This was a message sent to me by a certain someone who, for the sake of all that is good, will remain nameless. As I read this message with an overwhelming urge to vomit, I realized that there are 2 groups of people who write like this via chat: the legitimately illiterate Nigerians with limited schooling (which is fair enough) and the supposedly educated Nigerians with enough schooling to know the difference between “been” and “being”. If you claim you are an educated Nigerian and you happen to fall into the category of people who send messages like this to a girl you’re trying to impress, then this intervention is for you.

First of all, I would like to thank Falz the Bad Guy and Chigul and their colleagues for putting razzness back on the road map to fresh! See, some of us have waited a long time for local champion-hood to be accepted and what’s more be celebrated. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. I am talking about a particular mumu trend of this generation where my people deliberately refuse to write correctly on social media. The apparent reason for this sacrilege against the painstaking efforts of our English teachers and their “brighter grammar” textbooks is not quick typing to save time, but a conscious effort to deviate from proper spellings because duh it’s not cool to spell correctly.

With the advent of social media and the explosion of chatting in our generation, people learned to type really fast and write in colloquials that they normally would not use in writing. So they started typing “urs” and “btw” and all that. Meanwhile as some of us were just starting to catch up with the abbreviations, a whole trend of being misfits started to creep into our obodo Nigeria. The trend goes from people looking homeless in the name of art (which is conversation for a-whole-nother day) to people writing rubbish English just so they can come off as reckless and unconventional.

Well guess what, it might be cool for American celebrities to say things like “we was” but in our country that is not cute it is called shelling i.e tabon. Please I take God name beg una, when you type sentences like the one quoted above just keep in mind that it does not in any way reflect well on you. Nobody is falling for your lame attempt at reverse psychology because research (namely my research) has shown that people actually find misfits pretentious and annoying.

So what am I saying here? I am begging you the offspring of this guilty generation to bring back convention and make it cool again. Please don’t misunderstand; there is nothing wrong in writing slang or breaking English rules or even blowing a few shells occasionally. My issue is that trends, especially on social media, are pushing us too far from common sense and we are showing our follow follow in a stupid way. There is nothing wrong with copying other people, by all means feel free to bastardize GOT references like “words are wind my friend”. That is far more appealing than trying to destroy proper grammar as if you would get some kind of award.

The person that wrote that notorious quote in reference actually believes that he’s cool because he doesn’t care enough to check his grammar before sending it. Please don’t mumu yourself. We need you to care, let’s make appropriate cool again.

Written by Gogo