I don’t know about you but we’d rather breakdance barefoot on broken glass than be rejected by the only person we want and desire. And yeah, we’re serious. The pain of losing the one you desire, the shame of being rejected, the self-doubt that sets in when you’ve been denied, they all teach you how emotional pain can feel far worse than physical pain. And sometimes it feels like you’re never going to get through that pain and we understand that, that’s why this article is in two parts. Here are some of the things you can do to get over that feeling:
1. Don’t Consider Your Loss… Think Of It As Their Loss
When another person makes it clear they don’t want to be with you how else can you feel other than rejected? But this doesn’t mean it’s your loss. That’s looking at the wrong side of the kiss. Rather than focus on how you don’t get to know the softness of their lips. Remember they also miss out on the fullness of yours. And when you see it as their loss and not yours, it helps you maintain your confidence. Too often we focus on what we’re missing. But the one who walked away also misses out on something. You. That’s their mistake. Feel bad for them. Pity their loss. If you can see it that way you keep your value and maintain your confidence. Just because they don’t want you doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or unlovable.
2. Accept The Fact You Have No Control Over Outcomes
This one’s a little more difficult. You may feel tempted to do things to change the outcome. You may think you can win their heart if you just slightly change who and how you are when you’re around them, or maybe act or dress like someone they find more attractive, or perhaps somehow you can make them jealous, or maybe you can seduce them and romantically overwhelm them with the irresistibility of you. But the truth is none of that will work. Instead, of playing games, accept you have no control over other people, no control over situations, and the only thing you can control is… yourself.
3. Always Be Cool
During those times when you want to send them a text message, or “like” their instagram picture, or you want to retweet something they posted, or maybe even call them up and “just check in,” all of these would be motivated by the idea they’ll see how funny/perfect for each other you are… so just don’t. Remind yourself. ABC. Always Be Cool.
4. Allow Yourself Moments to Be Sad
You’ll have moments of weakness, moments of sadness, moments when tears wet your cheeks and there’s not much you can do to stop them. Don’t even try. There’s nothing wrong with crying, there’s nothing wrong with being sad. The only danger is when you let those feelings linger too long. Give yourself moments, days, maybe even weeks of sadness. But eventually, if you continue to dwell on your sadness, you’re just feeling sorry for yourself. And you don’t want that.
5. Distract Yourself
If you’re having trouble, forgetting about the one you lost, the best thing to do is distract yourself. Visit people who do care about you. Spend time with folks who bring you joy. Take up a new hobby. Find a new passion. Try something you’ve always been curious about but have yet to ever do. If you have the time and money, travel. If you don’t have the time and money, then let literature and films carry you away. Especially, things that make you laugh. Treat comedy like medicine and when the blues pay you a visit, let laughter be your antidote. Watch old favorites and seek out new funny films as well. The key is not to dwell on you, your past, or your lost future. Distract yourself with positivity. Laughter, like truth, will set you free.
By: Dammy Eneli