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As you can tell from our various shows, Rate the Date and After the Date, we’re a tad bit obsessed with your opinion and perspective on the Nigerian dating scene. So we’re taking it a step further by asking a bunch of people their opinion on these relationship scenarios based on our ‘After The Date’ questions.

In our recent episode of After the Date Joan, Dotun and Stephen discuss the many reasons as to why people cheat in their relationship. So as usual we asked a few people these same questions and here’s what they had to say. On a side note if you haven’t seen the episode, there’s a lot of gbas gbos from all sides so be sure to catch up here.


What do you consider cheating? Tell us why.

Anonymous 1: Flirting, emotional connection or physical sexual activities with someone that isn’t your partner.
Anonymous 2: When you are in a relationship and you get with another girl
Wadz: Having a sexual and intimate relationship outside the bounds of agreement with your partner, covertly.
Sexy Vixen: Anything that reduces my portion.
Stephanie: When you get physical with someone who isn’t your bf. All those small small touches and cheeky pokes.
Anonymous 3: Flirting with someone who is not your partner.
Tunde: Once you start hiding messages from your significant other.
Anonymous 4: The moment you start engaging someone else in a similar manner.
Anonymous 5: Knowing that you are in a serious relationship and then, you are giving another guy a green light. That’s cheating. Or having sex with another guy is cheating.
Afolabi Cooper: Sexual activity outside the relationship, intention to commit a crime cannot be prosecuted under the law.
Abdulmalik: Anything that involves someone who isn’t your partner, that is morally/ethically wrong, and possibly something you wouldn’t want said partner to know about.
Baddo: Sleeping with someone who isn’t your partner.
Modupe: I consider forming a romantic connection with another person to be cheating. This is because it’s a form of intimacy that’s only meant to be shared with your partner. Baring that side of yourself to another should be seen as a betrayal in a monogamous relationship.
Anonymous 6: Anything you can’t tell your partner about.
Bad gal China: Disrespect .
Anonymous 7: When a partner has sexual inter course with someone else or betrays my trust through other means.
Anonymous 8: Anything physical or very emotional being given to someone that is not your partner
Brown Skin Girl Having a physical and/or an emotional relationship with someone other than your partner.
Anonymous 9: I’d be very practical and this will assist with visualising the scenario. Person A and Person B are in a relationship that is “defined”. However person A has a friend called Person C. Person A is emotionally invested and not intimate with Person C = Cheating. Person A is intimate with Person C = Cheating ( at an exponential level). To sum up, cheating does not necessary have to be physical, emotional cheating exist too. Once you are emotionally invested in someone asides your partner and you make it clear to the person, you are a cheat.
Temiloluwa: Cheating is any form of emotional or physical attachment.
Nkem: talking to someone else with as much time as me. why because that’s how the physical thing grows
Anonymous 10: Yes.
TOSIN: Anything you know i won’t approve of.
Anonymous 11: To my understanding cheating is not been faithful with ones partner in a relationship. Cheating also in a relationship also differs…
Dinma: Flirting and getting emotionally attached
Anonymous 12: Giving someone more time energy, affection etc that is meant for your partner, in addition to the physical side of things.
Anonymous 13: Sexual intercourse with a person other than your partner is cheating.
Anonymous 14: When boundaries have been previously established about what each person is or isn’t willing to tolerate as far as infidelity, and those boundaries are crossed. To me that includes kissing, sex, romantic connections and flirting.
Anonymous 15: Not listening to me.
Anonymous 16: Flirting with someone who is not your partner .
The big p: Emotional attention, illegal flirting, and being a whore.

Why do you think people cheat? Explain

Anonymous 1: Most times for boys it’s to experience a different sexual experience and for girls most times it’s when they aren’t getting enough attention from their man.

Anonymous 2: People are horny and want to taste different things
Wadz: Indiscipline, vengeance, & lifestyle.
Sexy Vixen: Cuz men are wastes.
Stephanie: Cuz their afraid of breaking up because they don’t want to be alone. So they “hedge” their bets.
Anonymous 3: Insecurities.
Tunde: Money, Sex, Companionship .
Anonymous 4: Lack of focus, lack of satisfaction.
Anonymous 5: Low self-esteem, explore another angle of the new partner. Randomly sampling their sex urge. Because their partner is far away, Etc.
Afolabi Cooper: Weak willed, intentional physical or emotional release, intention to hurt, demonstration of power, no consequences.

Abdulmalik: Greed.
Baddo: Lack of integrity.
Modupe: I think people cheat for a multitude of reasons. It’s never just one thing and it’s different for everyone. It can be resentment, grief, health issues, sexual dissatisfaction….human beings are complex. It’s not possible to lay the blame for ‘one reason’ Anything from a mid life crisis to growing apart can lead a partner astray.
Anonymous 6: It depends, It could be an issue of contentment. Not being able to focus on one person at a time. For some, they just enjoy having sex with multiple people. Sometimes people also cheat cause they are unhappy in their relationships and crave for attention elsewhere.

Bad gal China:They have no respect for their partners.

Anonymous 7: When one is dissatisfied with ones partner either sexually, mentally, financially etc.
Anonymous 8: Weak willed.
Brown Skin Girl: Sometimes, its an unplanned connection with someone else. Sometimes, its unsatisfaction in the current relationship. And sometimes, the person was just never committed to begin with.
Anonymous 9:  Well people have various reasons. Lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship, lack of meaningful conversations in the relationship, lack of being able to show your partner the required emotions/ attention are all part of a million and one reasons people cheat. In all, before one gets mixed up in the act, it’s better to break up before cheating because it leaves a scar and causes psychological trauma for the other party involved. Also, this is a popular reason because I recently had a conversation with someone regarding this. The world is a very unstable place with all sort of infidelity popping up at every angle. Trust is a major reason why people cheat and this is also a very psychological problem. People hear stories about infidelity among people who seemed like they had it all or people they least expect that kinda attribute from, thus this leads to a psychological implant in their minute brains. Then they make statements like “”Ah so that person forming holy holy sef dey collect outside or playing away games.

The issue with this type of statement is that it sticks and it would take serious cleansing and a perspective shift to let it out. Further, they never see anybody in that regard of “”Holy Holy”” again. Talk about an individual saying “I don’t know what my partner is doing so I better just hedge the risk by investing my emotions somewhere else. For me, I have come to the conclusion that everyone has their part to play and you have to be intentional about your relationship or marriage. If it really means something to you, you’d go the extra mile not to cause the person distress or hurt. So my advice is that for your relationship or marriage to work, you have to be intentional about it.

Temiloluwa: For attention, some people just have no self-restraint, no morals.

Nkem: I don’t know really. It is about choices and the person made the wrong one.
Anonymous 10: One person can’t be everything to me.
TOSIN: Human nature.
Anonymous 11: I feel people cheat because of “LUST” to someone else and not their partner.
Dinma: Disrespect.
Anonymous 12: Various reasons, unhappiness, they don’t know themselves anymore, quest for spice, insecurity, etc.

Anonymous 13: Selfishness.
Anonymous 14: Selfishness. Narcissism. Not knowing what they really want (like wanting a relationship when they don’t have one, then changing their mind once they have it). Idealizing relationships: thinking that a relationship or another person will “complete” them. And choosing a partner superficially without knowing or caring about your emotional needs.
Anonymous 15: Gradual lack of interest in ones partner
Anonymous 16: Insecurities.
The big p: Lack of discipline. Because they are mad. They don’t know what they want. They are not getting the vibe they want. Because man doesn’t live by bread alone.

 

Have you ever been cheated on OR have you cheated on your partner? Tell us how it happened.

Anonymous 1: Cheated because I wanted a different sexual experience.

Anonymous 2: I got involved with someone else but wouldn’t say I cheated.

Wadz: Fortunately neither has ever happened. I do suspect a particular relationship. There are no facts, just speculative.

Sexy Vixen: Yes to both. I mean, that fool was telling bare lies so when the opportunity presented itself, I did a little tasting on the side. Not worth the headache though. And I felt dirty after.
Stephanie: Too many times to count.
Anonymous 3: I have been cheated on. Long story short, he cheated with my friend and broke up with me.
Tunde: Both 😢
Anonymous 4: Yes, I was trying to breakup with my partner so I needed a reason to.

Anonymous 5: I am not even in a relationship so I have cheated on myself countless times.
Afolabi Cooper: Yes, both ways. Partner wasn’t fulfilled in the relationship. I just wanted to non emotionally linked sex

Abdulmalik: Both. All I can say is that it’s intentional, as if you’re mature enough to get involved with someone, you can usually see how things will play out.

Baddo: Yes I have been, and yes I have. I was hurt and wanted a reason why it happened.
Modupe: I have never cheated on a partner nor have I been cheated on. That l know of.
Anonymous 6: It’s a no from me, but I can’t answer for my partner lol.

Bad gal China: No girl. Don’t do relationships.

Anonymous 7: I cheated because I was attracted to a younger more attractive guy. My husband became irresponsible and we didn’t connect on a lot of things ie financial, emotionally, attitude to life, etc.
Anonymous 8: Girlfriend cheated on me and lied that it was a test to see if I would stay… I guess I failed the test because I left.
Brown Skin Girl: Been cheated on. Checked his phone and saw that he’d been chatting up a lady. He was basically “toasting” her. I saw that he initiated the conversation and never mentioned he was in a relationship. I wanted to send the chat to my phone for evidence but ended up deleting it by mistake 😀 Anyhow, the relationship ended shortly after that.
Anonymous 9: Well I cheated on my partner when I was in Uni. At that point, I wasn’t thinking of marriage or having a long lasting relationship with her. I was only dating for the fun of it really. And the fact that I bagged the hottest chick in school that year, almost everyone wanted a piece of the cake. However, maturity did set in and I realized the hurt and psychological stress the other party must have gone through. This realization made be change my approach to relationships.
Temiloluwa: I have been cheated on and also been cheated with if that makes sense. A few times, they were all different scenarios tbh. In one case, my partner and I were not physical (he agreed and even suggested it) but I found out from other people that he was being physical with other females. In another case, I was ‘talking’ to a guy who I was unaware had a girlfriend. In another scenario, I went through my partners phone and noticed he was talking to various other girls. Mostly, it was usually physical cheating with little or no emotional attachment.

Nkem: Yes. It was long distance and the person began seeing someone in their own school.

Anonymous 10: Both ways. We were married and he cheated with his colleague because I pregnant.
TOSIN: Yes
Anonymous 11: Yes… I have been cheated on by my partner before I got married though while I was so faithful in the relationship. I was so pained and lost. I was depressed and almost committed suicide then. But I thank God. I have also cheated on my partner due to “LUST” as I have said earlier.
Dinma: No
Anonymous 12: Not to my knowledge
Anonymous 13: Yes, I’ve been cheated on. She wouldn’t have sex with me because she was “saving herself for marriage” then I found out that she was having sex with a guy I considered a friend.
Anonymous 14: Yes, Dotun knows my stories. *please don’t share them*
Anonymous 15: Yes, the new girl started listening better
Anonymous 16: I have been cheated on. Long story short, he cheated with my friend and broke up with me.
The big p: I’ve cheated. Decent vibe from a wedding and it just happened.

What’s the worst thing someone has done to you that wasn’t cheating?

Anonymous 1: Talking about our business to another guy

Anonymous 2: Kissed another person in-front of me.
Wadz: She asked us to end our intimate relationship because she didn’t want to lose her long time boyfriend.
Sexy Vixen: Ah! That fool asked me what kind of engagement ring I wanted and then started acting distant until we broke up. I hate gas lighting.
Stephanie: My bf brought his side-chick to the club with us.
Anonymous 3: Errrr they no fit try.
Tunde: Ghosted.
Anonymous 4: Dishonesty.
Anonymous 5: If she is ready for me she will tell me.
Afolabi Cooper: Taken advantage of kindness.

Abdulmalik: Take me for granted.

Baddo: Speak to an ex about me not meeting the standards he set. F**king bastard!
Modupe: I think the worst thing a person has done has to be disrespecting me in front of our friends. I tried to move on but I never fully forgave him for that.
Anonymous 6:  The person pretended to love me and decided to stop pretending one day. Lol.

Bad gal China: Ghosted me o. E still Dey pain me till today o.

Anonymous 7: Ridiculed or trivialized my opinion, made me carry responsibility that they should be responsible for etc
Anonymous 8: Flirting with me all evening then leaving with a friend of mine.
Brown Skin Girl: Made me feel like he was doing me a favour by being with me. He would say things like…”You know beauty isn’t the most important thing to me. It’s your heart (or something like that) that I love. If beauty was what I wanted, there were plenty girls…blah blah blah.” I think he thought it was a compliment. But it left me feeling like I wasn’t pretty enough and all I had to offer in any relationship was my heart…or was it my brain…really can’t remember.
Anonymous 9: Dealing with a MANIPULATOR is something I pray no one ever experience in this life.
Temiloluwa: Hmm the worst in terms of a relationship was lying that also came with cheating.

Nkem: Picked on every fault.

Anonymous 10: Lie about it.
TOSIN: Long story.
Anonymous 11: My ex telling me that she was done with me because I don’t have my own apartment and I look like someone not standard enough to have a woman in my life. (Smiles)… really painful
Dinma: Disrespect
Anonymous 12: Breaking promises.
Anonymous 13: Didn’t call me after my father died.
Anonymous 14: Manipulated me. A lot of men like to test women to see how far they can push their boundaries, see how naive they are, and see how much they can get out of her for as little effort as possible. Especially younger girls who haven’t fully grown into their self-awareness, or who may have self-esteem issues. If you give an inch, they’ll try to take a mile, then blame you for allowing them to treat you poorly. It’s happened to me, men have admitted it to me, and I see it happening all the time. It’s up to women to choose better men because these manipulative men will never be held accountable for their own actions.
Anonymous 15: Ignore me after showing sign of interest in her.
Anonymous 16: Errrr they no fit try
The big p: Checking my phone like you the FBI.


If you want add your two cents to the conversation stay tuned for future posts on our social media @accelerate_tv.

See also: We asked 5 People If They Would Share Their Finances With Their Partner

 

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