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A friend of mine was telling me about his girlfriend, and ended his story with this very important question – what goes through her mind before sex. I was surprised he asked or even cared at all, as the general notion is that as long men get sex, they’re happy (which is only partly sometimes trues).

Of course, I told him to just ask her, and that I was sure she’d tell him.

By now, he should have his answer, but do you?

For those of you who are a little to shy to ask, stop being shy because all that means is that you shouldn’t be having sex, and read on.

Do I really want to do this?

Most women think this if they are about to engage in intercourse with someone who they aren’t committed to or are thinking of breaking off that commitment or any other reason you can think of. Whatever the reason is, it speaks to an element of uncertainty that is most likely linked to stability.

How do you know when she is thinking this? Well, if you study her body language and her cues (assuming you are emotionally intelligent) you will pick up on her hesitation. She may not be making eye contact, or you’ll find yourself having to constantly lead.

Just to be sure, always take the time to slow down and just ask if she’s on the same page with you and wants to proceed.

How do I look?

When you’re about to have sex, you obviously want to look sexy while doing it. But this doesn’t happen all the time, especially if things are happening without notice. But you know what you can do? You can stop and be like “damn girl, you’re so sexy.” It will boost her morale and maybe even her performance.

What’s he going to think of me after?

Depending on how you look at it, this could be closely related to the first point. Words of affirmation are always appreciated whenever they are said. So say something loving or kind right before, during and after. However, if you’re only going to say lies, keep your lies to yourself. Don’t gaslight.

I hope this is worth it

There are only a few things worse than upping your body count for no good reason. Like you, she has expectations and wants the experience to be worth it. So now is not the time to be tired or lazy. Put some work in, and get that A for effort…and hopefully performance.


Of course, the above are just a couple of things and really vary, based on the woman. The only real way to dispel the mystery is to stop and ask, with sincerity. This will not only help your sex life, but just generally improve your communication and overall emotional intelligence.

Try it, and let us know what goes through her mind before sex, in the comments below.

see also: Why Does Money Matter In A Relationship?

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