Well, before we get into semantics, literally “Commitment” means “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”
When it comes to relationships, I feel that this is all a typical Nigerian woman is asking for – a man that is dedicated to her. He bows to her every want and whim and can even smell a need before her brain farts it.
There’s this video that’s been going around on Instagram – a man named Simon Sinek talks about how women just love consistency and how that is a way to a woman’s heart. He says that women fall in love with guys that constantly make the effort to put their women first – be the first happy voice when they wake up; listen to their every complaint when they are stressed… the list goes on.
Now, check this – “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.” This is another meaning of “Commitment” and it kind of explains the exact same scenario Simon explained.
For example, a man who’s had a great day at work is restricted from sharing his great day if his significant other had a terrible one. Or, if he woke up on the wrong side of the bed, he is restricted from being unpleasant in the morning because she desires that sexy “good morning beautiful” to sweep her out of her dreams.
It’s crazy how the exact same word means pleasure and comfort for women but can be an absolute conundrum for guys… but I generalize.
The conundrum gets deeper though.
While women expect this commitment from their significant other, they also expect the whimsical romance. They want this consistent guy to be thoughtful. On some mornings, ‘good morning beautiful’ isn’t enough – it should come with roses, her favourite chocolate or maybe some new perfume. Or, may be even some surprise early morning cunnilingus – hey! different strokes for different folks.
“Am I being a bit idealist?”, she would say. “Is it too much to ask?” I mean, all she’s really asking is for you to stay the same while she changes her hair every few weeks, gets made up differently every morning before work; and even follows the fashion season, so trust that her wardrobe and style are on fleek all times of the year.
Then again, if she’s fashionable, then trust that she would be so experimental that she would be the trendsetter and not the trend follower.
How does this all work? This thing we call commitment and growing up and embracing responsibility – it’s a farce.
Do we really grow up in that sense? What I see a lot of is just boys and girls that have become better liars with age but I may come across as a tad judgmental… just a tad.
“Am I being a bit idealist?”, I say right now because I know not everyone woman thinks this way. Perfection is something we will chase to our graves and sometimes chasing it will get you there faster.
What happened to contentment? What happened to acceptance? What happened to understanding that the exact same way she loves change, he probably does too? And, clearly he does too – it’s no surprise there’s a staunch myth that all men are born polygamous and want to stick their batons anywhere that’s new. Cue the body count conversation.
Nonetheless, commitment has always been a hard sell. That’s why we’ve got religion, law and family tradition butting their business into it to make sure that procreation happens. I was reading a survey on the news today and apparently, in this age of social media, career strippers, pole dancers and porn stars, the millennial and i-generation kids are allegedly having the least sex in human history.
It’s safe to say that they learnt that great sex only comes in committed relationships but now that there are internet alternatives, they are lifting up their middle fingers to commitment.
Would it be reductionist to say commitment was invented to keep the species going? So what is commitment anyway? How does a generation empowered with the internet and social media, who have been emboldened to follow their individuality as their path, just DO IT for the species? How do you convince them to pick consistency over the spontaneity we all know and love – the spontaneity and attention deficit that the internet ensures guides their lives today?
Written by John Noble