By Damilola Faustino
Relationships almost always start sweet and rosy, but not all relationships make it to the end. Once all the giddiness of being with your crush has worn off, then your eyes open to their flaws and if you are not careful, you start to see reasons why you both are not good for each other. But the truth is that only those who know the secrets of long-lasting relationships can see theirs to the end. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of ‘accepting’. Here’s what we mean:
You accept them exactly as they are
Everyone has quirks and traits that you may not like, but when you accept someone, you accept the bad along with the good. Acceptance really is the idea that this is who the person is — and you are fine with it. Meanwhile, tolerating doesn’t have the same ‘I am fine with it’ mentality.”
You accept the needs they have
In a relationship, each person has certain wants and needs, and hopefully, they match up more so than not. That said, some wants and needs will differ, and that’s when your attitude comes into play. The difference between accepting and tolerating your partner relates to the emotion and thoughts underneath your behaviour. If your partner has a weekly hang-out plan with their best friend, you can say, “Great, have fun,” which can be interpreted as either accepting or tolerating.
You don’t judge them
No one likes to be judged, and if you’re judging your partner, you’re not wholeheartedly accepting them. Acceptance tends to be more holistic and perhaps even a loving state. You recognize that this is who the person is, and you do not judge them. Meanwhile, if you only tolerate them, this implies that you’re chronically uncomfortable with their behaviour.
You accept their differences rather than trying to change them
Do you accept your partner or do you try to change them? If someone has a true dealbreaker for you, and you stay in the relationship anyway, you’ll always be tolerating that behaviour, which will lead to resentment and contempt. If you can accept each other’s differences and not try to change the person, there’s a good chance you can have a harmonious relationship.
You don’t get easily irritated
If you and your partner accept each other, you probably don’t find qualities in them that repeatedly annoy you. The difference between accepting your partner for the way they are and tolerating them is fairly huge. When you accept your partner for the way they are, you won’t find yourself irritated or annoyed anymore by their behaviour, as you accept that you can’t change this.
You have more good days together than bad
When you accept your partner, there are more good days than bad days. When you are accepting, you can still carry on with your partner and have enjoyed, despite their imperfectness. Conversely, you are ‘tolerating’ them when you often think negative thoughts about them or argue back about things that are not likely to change.
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