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Do you want to know why you aren’t having good sex? Of course you do. Long answer short, you aren’t communicating what you want, like or dislike. You’re probably focusing more on your performance and how you look than on what feels good to you.

You should have an honest conversation with yourself and ask yourself why you are doing this and really take the time to reflect deeply on that answer.

Now that you’re thinking about why you aren’t having good sex, let’s dissect some of the possible reasons for this.


The lack of an emotional connection with your partner

For many people sex is just as emotional as it is physical. And there is nothing wrong with that. Connecting emotionally is oftentimes a determining factor between arousal or the lack of it. So think deeply about the kind of sex you often find yourself daydreaming about and how it makes you feel. What scenario do you often fantasize about? Knowing the answer to that, will help you take a step in the direction of good sex.


You’re self-conscious

It’s understandable. You’re in your most vulnerable state and you aren’t in total control of the situation because your primal instincts have kicked in. And that’s just it: sex is a primal act. Animals (who are primal) don’t care about their outward appearance when the act is going down. Quite frankly, neither should you. Sex isn’t pretty, despite what Hollywood or some of its more salacious counterparts, would have you believe. So don’t worry about what your face looks like or the noises you make. Just do you and get yours. Once you do, you’ll probably end up hearing from your partner how turned on they got simply because you let yourself get deep into it. No pun intended.

black couple kissing

You don’t know your body

This is tricky…for a number of reasons which are primarily linked to faith. Most of us who are religious or spiritual have been taught that self-exploration in the form of masturbation is bad. So let’s just not go there. However, you can always explore your body with the help of your partner. A session doesn’t always have to be about actual intercourse and climaxing: it can sometimes be about learning more about what feels good to you. Think of it as a practical Biology lesson where you are learning the ins and outs of your anatomy but in a sexy way.


Going forward, remember that sex is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Sex isn’t just about meeting the needs of your partner, it’s also about having yours satisfied. So speak up! Use your voice to communicate what you want or don’t want and give yourself the opportunity to start having the best sex of your life.

I dare you to leave a cheeky comment below with a helpful suggestion.


See also: Consent Is Everything!


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